New beginnings...

I swear...

It seems like

all I ever eat

is

.OATMEAL.

!

And lately, the only way I've been eating it is with greek yogurt, nut butter, and a butt-load of fruit!

(and sometimes, with blackstrap molasses 'cause it has a crap load of antioxidants)

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"I hate soccer."

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"I don't feel like running."

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"School is too stressful."

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"My parents are annoying."

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"Too much food."

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^Excuse that.

But, I promise there was a method to my madness.

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My point?

It seems lik all I ever do is complain.

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Blah, Blah, Blah.

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Honestly, who really cares how much my life sucks?

And in reality, it doesn't!

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Even though it may not have seemed like it, but for the past 7 months, this blog has been my outlet - -

but all I ever did was complain, it seemed like.

Although that can be theraputic for some, and in some regards, it did help me, it also made things worse.

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It taught me to focus on the bad.

To whine and wallow in self-pity.

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I deserve better than that.

I deserve happiness!

I deserve to love every inch of my little waist, and ever aspect of my life in general.

ED aside, I'm a person. And I deserve to enjoy it.

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Thus, I am moving to wordpress.

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Wordpress, for a change of scenery.

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Moving, for a change of direction in my "blogging life"

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This time, it'll be my blog. Not a blog about me.

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There will be a point to me blogging.

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I will teach lessons. Inspire. Be free. Be me.

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So although this isn't goodbye just yet, it's the formal goodbye. So when I, one day, post a nearly empty page, leaving you with only a web address to another blog, you won't be completely taken by surprise and left asking...

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Why?

Hey! It's the Day after May Day...

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Please excuse the corny title. It was entertaining.

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I know I usually start out my posts with breakfast, but this morning my breakfast was extremely uneventful, plain, and boring, and I didn't bring my camera downstairs with me, and of course I was too lazy to go back upstairs and get it, which resulted in no picture.

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My apologies.

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Anyway...

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This was my night snack of chocolate. Supposedly it's "Swiss Bittersweet" but it's the sweetest bittersweet chocolate I've ever tasted...hmmm...

I like my chocolate to be BITTER and not particularly sweet. Still good, though.

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Today was Good! I woke up at seven and did my chemistry homework, then went downstairs for boring oatbran. (Gosh, I need to spruce my food up) and then went back upstairs. So productive, I know.

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But, I ran ten miles today!

Phew!

It's been a LONG time since I ran 10 miles, or even 8, but I did it.

Honestly, I was doubting myself nearly the entire time. Prior to doing so, I was doubting myself, thinking "gosh, I wonder if I'll be able to do this." I wasn't intending to stop, except for EXACTLY half way through, where I would get a cup of water at a local McDonald's and use the bathroom.

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The run there started off uncomfortably. I didn't feel energized and I felt a little crampy and ill, probably from dehydration and lack of fuel the night before. But I made it to the bridge (the five mile mark from my house) without stopping, took my planned pit stop at McDonalds, and felt pretty accomplished. I was sweating buckets and was really tired. I kept an even 9:30 pace the whole way there.

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On the way back, I started out SLOWLY. I was, again, doubting myself. "Gosh, I'm TIRED. It's HOT. I wonder if I'll be able to do this without stopping." Well, guess what? I did. I ran the 5 miles there without stopping, and the 5 miles back.

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I'm not going to lie, I was freaking POOPED after the fact, but I did it!

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I was too EXHAUSTED to photograph my delicious lunch, but it was still delicious. I had a Chicken Sandwich Flat, a glass of chocoloate milk (the best thing to consume after a strenuos workout due to it's perfect balance of simple protein and carbohydrates) and 1/2 banana with coconut butter and a few chocolate chips.

It was delicious!

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I proceeded to pass out on my bedroom floor out of sheer exhaustion, slept two hours, then did my Polyc Ab workout.

My butt is officially kicked.

My pictures are all food-based today (sorry) and they're quite bland, but oh well.

The above are Kale chips. So good! I've never had Kale until today and these were fabulous!

Beets.
YUM!

Whole Wheat Fettuccini, Mushroom Sauce with 94/6 ground beef (ergh...dumb parents) and broccoli. Good, but I'm really not a fan of meat-sauce. And not just for health reasons/ED fears...it tastes bad, to me.

A fantastic "smoothie"

I can't really call it a smoothie because it was so thick! It was seriously like melty soft serve ice cream! Just frozen strawberries, raspberries and pear chunks, whipped up with skim milk. Topped with a small honey drizzle. So yummy.
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What's your favorite aspect of spring?

-I love the flowers. My yard smells amazing with all the lilacs!

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What's your favorite Brand/Type of Chocolate?

- I love anything with a high percentage of Cacao. And I think I like Lindt better than Ghiradelli. My all time favorite was this one brand called Divinity that I tried when I was in seventh or eighth grade. I've always loved dark chocolate. This stuff was SOOO dark, and totally not sweet. So delicious! I haven't found it since. I don't even know where I got it.

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♥Alexandra
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Oh, the Horror...

This morning, when I woke up, I felt like this:

^That is dirt, just in case you couldn't figure it out. =]

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I'm sick, to say in the least.

At 6:00 in the morning, I could not have eaten if my life depended on it (which it did/does) and I was struggling to stay awake. I could barely breathe, I was feverish, and my throat was on FIRE.

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I'm not really big on missing school, but today, I realized that the only logical option was to stay home and get some rest. Unfortunately, I missed taking a practice ACT test which I have been looking forward to. It'd be a good utensil for college prep. Oh well. Health > School.

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At around 11:30, after I slept for an additional 5.5 hours, my mother had me come downstairs to eat something.

This isn't the exact picture, but this is similar. Oats cooked in milk with peanut butter, Greek yogurt and black strap molasses. I didn't have this much, it was difficult to stomach the food, but I did eat it. I felt much better. Especially with the addition of large amounts of water, Robitussin, Aspirin and Vitamin C.

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For me, being sick entails absolutely NIL appetite. Alas, at 1:30, I realized that my calories were WAY lacking, and even though I didn't feel up to it, I knew that being sick means I need even MORE calories than usual. So, I had some Greek yogurt (easy on the throat) and I invented something delicious:

"Cookie Daux" aka Faux Cookie Dough.

lol

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There's no picture, sadly, but I mixed the following:

1 Tbs PB

1 tsp Honey

2 tsp Brown Sugar

3 Tbs flour

1 Tbs milk

1 tsp chocolate chips

1 drop vanilla extract

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Mix the honey, peanut butter, sugar and milk first. Then stir in the flour and chocolate chips. Chill, or eat right away, like I did.

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It was really creamy and delicious, and tasted just like regular cookie dough, but wasn't greasy or nauseating. It was a perfect snack. Paired with the Greek yogurt, it was big on protein, had some simple carbohydrates for my weak, exhausted body, and a whole bunch of flavor. Soooo comforting.

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I will definitely make this again. Rather than peanut butter-chocolate chip, next time I might use almond butter, swap cinnamon and raisins for chocolate chips, and use oatmeal instead of flour. Then it'd be like an oatmeal raisin cookie!

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After eating a little, I felt much better. I continued to chug water, and take a whole bunch of meds (lol) and watch Good Eats and Hannah Montana. And sleep. Ahh...the life.

No soccer practice today, either (YAY) Except I DID take my doggie for a short walk. It probably wasn't the best idea, being sick and all, but it was nice to get some fresh air.

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Okay I will leave you all with some old pictures from the past few weeks.

The yummiest night snack!

Banana slices with Coconut Butter and Dark Chocolate Chips

A mighty Green Monster

An old drawing I did...back in February.


Creamy oat bran spiked with strawberries, apricots, and SunButter.
=]

A Blood Red Maple Tree in my back yard.

He's still a baby...lol

Apple Blossoms.

Ahhhhhh...

LILACS!!! My favorite!

So beautiful and so aromatic!

Sun + Green = Yes.

Rhododendron

Old, wrinkly Dogwood berries among new buds!

I can't believe those berries stayed up there all winter!

So pretty. =]

And lastly, a new bud.

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Every day of Spring turns over a new leaf. =]

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I hope you all are feeling WAY better than I am!

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♥Alexandra

I. Hate. School

I hate to be pessimistic, really, but I have way too much homework!

Today went:

Breakfast, plan grocery list, run, write essay, lunch, write more essay, dinner, write MORE essay, blog.

Basically, all I did was write, run and eat. The life! no.

Of course, breakfi was fantabulous, and inspired by my wonderful sister!

Craisin-Cashew Butter Oats

I snuck in some chopped prune and a little banana, though!

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=]
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Morning snack:

Peanut Butter-Pomegranate Molasses-Banana-Yogurt Mess

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Anyways. I've got a LOT of homework this weekend! Two essays, two history chapters, a history project, a literature project...ahhhh....anxiety. It's hard to eat, I'm not going to lie.

Plus my mother has gone completely AWOL (correction...her AWOL-ocity has intensified exponentially)

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Onward.

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So my wonderful, gorgeous, delightful, kind, loving, wonderful (oh, I said that) friend Ashlyn is doing a project on Anorexia. She's trying to bring attention to the intensity and severity of the disease, something that many people overlook.

Anyways. She asked me to help her with it, giving insight, etc, and I agreed (of course). I'm a bit nervous because the teacher of her class is also one of my teachers, and I don't know how I feel about my teacher knowing about this...

But, I have to face the facts some day, and come to terms with my Eating Disorder. After all, how do I expect to beat this thing?

It's excruciatingly nerve-wracking, though.

I baked some delicious muffins for lunch!

Recipe Here.
I really wanted to bake. So I did. Duh.

It was a FABULOUS lunch! I spread some low-fat ricotta on my muffin, and enjoyed it (pure bliss) with black coffee and a big bowl of unpictured green beans.
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So another thing that has been on my mind a lot lately:
My friend, H.
I have never been OVERLY close with her. I mean, I guess I felt close to her for a while, but it seemed like within a week of our "awesome chat" something snapped.
All of sudden, she seemed like a different person.
A person that I don't like.
It's horrible, I know, but every time I see her I am instantly in a bad mood.
I don't know why. I don't know what happened! I honestly wonder if she actually changed at all, or if it was just a whacked-out part of myself that changed.
The whole ordeal is very confusing to me.
I'm channeling all this negative energy into soccer, though. I usually only see her at soccer (because she doesn't sit with me at lunch anymore...weird). I have always been a quite agressive player, but lately I find myself deliberately marking her at practice, and being more agressive. And I mean I'm going into tackles harder than ever, and when I fall in the process, I get back up angrier than ever!
It's a little scary. It makes me feel like a psycho, out-of-control beast.
Sad.
Although, it is only soccer, and I'm not actually hurting her, and nor am I trying to at all! It's like a competitiveness that I suddenly have. I want to school her SOOOOO BADLY. So I do. And it feels soooo good. And it's making me a better soccer player!
The bad part is, I wonder if she actually did anything to make me feel this way about her all of a sudden. My head likes to randomly imagine things.

Afternoon snack:
A Groovy Green Monstrosity consisting of skim milk, stevia, spinach, frozen strawberries, 2 thin slices of frozen kiwi, a few chunks of frozen mango and a small piece of frozen pear.
Yummmz.
This was seriously like ice cream. It was so thick and creamy that I was 100% convinced it was soft serve!
Dinner:
Chicken, avocado, pasta, and vegetables.
Sadly, I didn't finish this. I only ate about half. Too much food. It looked pretty, though.
Look Here.
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Anyways...
Today was really productive though. I had a wonderful run -- I enjoyed it so much! My body feels so good after running. I honestly love it.
And, I baked, I wrote a crap load of essays, and I made a BAMF dinner.
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All-in-all, I feel good.
Although homework is a pain in the ass, (pardon my French) and I hate sitting around to do it, it felt good today because I ran, and after 3 games this week, It was nice to relax. Who would've imagined that one could be productive while relaxing?
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Do you feel better when you are productive?
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also
What is your absolute FAVORITE oats creation?
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nutritionist appointment tomorrow.
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♥Alexandra